Your comments about gender roles have had me thinking this week. Some of what we are willing to accept, and not accept, is definitely generational. That doesn't mean that gender stereotypes were any better in our parents' and grandparents' generations, but it does mean that they were more accepted (certainly there have always been people who will not accept them, which is why we have grown in many ways).
Here's one example: my daughter loves to watch movie clips on YouTube, and one of her favorites is from Disney's The Jungle Book (as opposed to the collection of stories by Rudyard Kipling, published in 1894, which the movie is very loosely based on). At the end of the film, Mowgli returns to the man village, where he sees, for the first time in his life, a woman (she is a girl, but if you watch the clip, she is obviously old enough to be very aware of the way her sexuality can entrance and manipulate Mowgli). I showed this clip to my daughter becaue she was learning how to splash, and there is a part where Mowgli falls out of the tree and lands in the water before splashing his way back to the bank. (I hadn't remembered that the reason he falls is because the girl bats her big eyes at him and distracts him into dumb male mode). I also hadn't remembered all the lyrics to the song she sings. Whenever I watch this clip with my daughter, I cringe: "Father's hunting in the forest. Mother's cooking in the home. I must go to fetch the water until the day that I am grown." And later on: "I will have a handsome husband, and a daughter of my own. I'll send her to fetch the water. I'll be cooking in the home." I usually change the lyrics as I sing along to be "Mother's hunting in the forest, father's cooking in the home" in an attempt to reverse the stereotypes, but I've considered not letting my daughter even watch it anymore even though she loves it. So here is my question: Am I going to far? Is the movie harmless? Am I being silly for thinking maybe I shouldn't let her watch it? It's just a movie, right? Or is it? You can watch the scene here.
This got me thinking of another generational shift I've experienced in my life, also regarding gender. I remember singing a song in church when I was a boy. It was for the girls, really, but we all sang it. It was about wanting to be a mother. Here are some of the lyrics:
When I grow up, I want to be a mother,
And have a family, one little, two little, three little babies of my own.
Of all the jobs, for me I'll choose no other!
I'll have a family,
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.
We thought nothing of this at the time, singing it at the top of our lungs. (If you want to sing it at the top of your lungs, you can download it here. It's called "I Want to be a Mother.") But now that I'm older, I see a real danger in the song. Let me be clear that I am not saying that there is a danger in wanting to have children or be a mother. I think I made it clear last week that I value motherhood a great deal. But I have friends who grew up singing this song and talking about being a mommy their whole lives, only to discover that they wanted to have a career, or that they didn't want to have babies, or that they wanted to have babies but couldn't because of medical reasons, etc. They grew up singing about having six little babies and not going to work, and then they felt guilty because they wanted to work or couldn't have six babies, or because for sone other reason they were not capable of living up to what they were taught was the ideal. I am not taking shots at my church here. This, too, was a generational thing, and there have been a lot of changes since then. I can rest easy that my daughter will never have to sing this song in church, and that Disney will never put out another film with a female character singing about cooking in the home while her handsome husband is out hunting. And this is ultimately my point. We have come a long way in only a few generations.
Thoughts?
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ReplyDeleteI am not sure about this, is this tradition or brain-washing? Yes, I agree things are changing and that may be the reason why the song was different then if that movie was made today. I watched that movie when I was kid and I didn't even know you were talking about until after I watched the clip. My first thoughts were: this is terribly hilarious.
ReplyDelete-Heather B.
To answer your question of are you going to far and is the movie harmless depends on what your aim for your daughter is. The clip, the words to the little girl's song, the lyrics to the church song all reinforce traditional gender roles. If you want your little girl to grow up embracing her sexuality and striving to be a mother, I see no harm in the clip or songs. Even though society has slowly been coming away from those views, they are still reinforced more than they aren't.
ReplyDeleteI think you bring up a valid point in looking at her future. What if she doesn't want children, or at least not 5 or 6? What if she never gets married? What if she does want to continue her career and not stay at home with the children? Will all of the previous conditioning make her feel estranged from her peers and her family who have all instilled and reinforced these values? Will she begin to resent these values and the institutions behind them? Will she feel like she was "brainwashed"?
I have a single friend who is about to turn 30 soon. She went to a private local college and grew up in a church that taught you should want to be a wife and mother and strived her entire life for just that. But now she is almost 30 and has an adult mind that can think and discern what is most appealing to her, which makes her dating pool a lot smaller compared to our younger, less aware selves that could pretty much date and relate to anyone. How do you think the lack of a husband and family makes her feel if that is the very thing she should have always wanted?
I feel that we have come a long way in the sense that women are becoming more successful, we are able to hold positions of power and be respected. We are succeeding and surpassing expectations in what was once considered a man’s world. We had a woman run for president this year and she gave the men some serious competition. The opportunities that are available to women are numerous and for me, even a little overwhelming at times.
ReplyDeleteI am torn on this issue however. I am grateful for the freedoms and the opportunities that I have been given, but I fear that because of that there are consequences within families and society. I feel that it is barely an option for women to be a stay at home mom because society now expects them, demands even, to work to support the family financially. With the economy declining, it isn't really feasible to be able to support a family on one income. I feel that if a mother is working, she must have so much on her plate. I don't have children, but I work, go to school, and take care of my family. But at times I feel as though I barely have time to breathe. Dinner isn't ever made, the chores get done sometimes, somewhere in the chaos I get my homework done. If I had kids on top of everything it would just be too much. Thank goodness I have a loving supportive husband who understands that I'm never available to feed him.
Understand that I don't think that the woman is there to solely take care of her husband, make dinner, and clean the home. But these are not bad things to want, and I do want them. I just find that the way things in society are set up now, there is no more time or energy to spend on the home life.
But I also know that I want a career, and *Gasp* I don't want to have children. I find when I say that last one people instantly think I'm attacking their decision to have kids and they instantly try to convince me that if only I met their precious little angel they could get me to change my mind. They think that I'm too young to make that decision, and I don't know what I want. Perhaps they're right but as it stands now my husband and I don't want to have children. Is that really so wrong? Has our community molded us into believing that ALL women should have children? If I don't bear children am going against my own instincts and purposes?
I was taught to believe that my place is to be married, to a man, believe in a certain religion, have children, buy a home, and devote my life to my husband and family. But I find myself increasingly out of place, life is not the cookie cutter version that I grew up believing in. I feel as Alfie says that I resent the values that have been instilled in me, and the institutions behind them. I am struggling to find my place in the world and make decisions that are constantly conflicting with my old values and beliefs and my new ones.
When women had their place and it was in the kitchen, at least they knew where they should be. But now I feel as though I am supposed to be everywhere and do everything. I'm now supposed to be the professional business woman who runs her own company and gets home in time to be the mom, helps her kids with their homework and get into college with scolarships, who cooks, cleans, and has dinner ready by 5.
So even though women have progressed, we haven't left our "Original Role". Should we? How can we be expected to fill all the roles at once? Is it a choice then between career and family?
I think the clip in the disney movie isn't reinforcing stereotypes, but perhaps it could be defining a culture. The Indian culture is massively patriarchal, and I think the song conveys more of a sense of that culture,rather than reinforcing stereotypes. When alot of early Disney movies came out, they were not only targeted towards kids, but to entertain adults as well. So maybe that is something that your kid might not pick up on, but you do because it was aimed towards you. I am not saying I know Disney's objectives while writing this movie, or that you are wrong. However, I do think there could be another reason for this and it might not affect your child.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tyler. I can see your point. But I also know that Disney has come under fire for its negative portrayals of some cultures and for reinforcing feminine stereotypes. For example, the movie Song of the South (Zipadeedoodah) is no longer available for these reasons. I am not saying you are wrong about the cultural differences. But Disney has not always been sensitive to those differences, and we can't assume that those depicting a culture always come from that culture or even understand it. Just a thought.
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